In today’s society, divorce carries a stigma. Ending a marriage can be emotionally difficult for the husband and wife, as well as any children involved. But the end of a marriage can also mean the beginning of self discovery and one’s strength. We must always remember to take the good with the bad and that’s what Ruth Abercrombie has done. Read her testimony of pain and growth below.
I know that you are a Pastor’s Kid. Tell us about your life growing up?
Aaah back when life was still easy… My sister and I were raised comfortably by both our biological parents in a loving and stable home. We lived in our family home from birth to when we moved out. Growing up was awesome. I was the exemplary older sister and my sissy was the rebel child. And the church folk watched her like a hawk!
You had your daughter when you were 19 and got married when you were 21. How was this transition being so young?
Yip, I was a teenage pregnancy statistic. Everybody was shocked and displeased with me… bring shame on my family name, and being the Pastor’s Kid took things to an entirely different level. I was a second year Information Technology student when I fell pregnant with my daughter. I coped just fine with studies and everything else, my parents were very supportive (after they cooled down and dealt with their feelings of disappointment & anger). I never thought of being a mom and now I was going to be one! There was never any question about what’s going to happen with the baby because where I’m from… if you made the bed, you’ll lay in it!
Adapting to my new role as wife was difficult. Look, I got the mommy thing under the belt real quick, thank God for motherly instincts but why isn’t there such a thing as wifely instinct? Lol We moved away right after we got married and I was in a strange place not knowing anyone and being away from my close knit family. I was overwhelmed to say the least, there was no way in hell I was going to call home every time I needed advise or help or money because I followed my own mind and chose my path. There was a lot of trial and error, and somewhere between flopped puddings and burnt pumpkin I started enjoying being both a wife to my husband and a mom to my daughter while pursuing my IT career.
Why did you refuse to divorce your husband? What were you holding on to?
Then things went horribly south after just 3 years. Husband wanted a divorce and as a Christian lady I thought I could pray and fast this situation through and that God would save my marriage. I was holding on to hope and lovely memories. I wanted our daughter to have the upbringing I had and for her to have the pleasure of being raised by both her parents. So I hung in there for a year (having no contact with him what so ever) and nothing happened. One morning I just woke up and decided today is the day, I’m taking my life back. I can’t wait around for a person who doesn’t want to be with me, so I filed for divorce. At age 25 I was the youngest Divorcee I knew. What a shame, such a pity… were of the comments I heard while in court.
Obviously an emotional experience, how was life after the divorce?
We were separated for a while and I had dealt with the pain and grieved for the beloved I had lost, I had forgiven and knowing that I did all I could put my mind to rest. So when the divorce was final I felt relieved.
Looking back, would you have done anything different?
Honestly, I would like to say yes to this but then I wouldn’t be the person I am today and I like me the way like I am now. This is my testimony.
What keeps you strong and moving forward?
Luke 1:45 Knowing that God would fulfill His promises to me.
If you came across a young lady who is currently going through what you went through, what would you tell them?
Girl… you are going to be just fine! Allow yourself to feel angry and sad and stupid and have that pity party, its ok to feel the way you feel because you’ve invested in that relationship and had hopes. Allow yourself to be broken and when you are done crying your eyeballs out, go on your knees and ask our Heavenly Father to mend that heart of yours, to restore you, to replace what the enemy has stolen. Know that He gives beauty for ashes.