I remember saying “When my dad dies, I will be hysterical…” Well, my dad died. It’s been over two weeks and I still don’t know what to feel. I refused to see his body because I was with him that morning and I refused to believe some cold body was my dad…so I didn’t see the body. I wanted to remember him in my own way. That was important to me.
I loved my dad. Hard. I still love my dad, dearly. He meant the world to me and I’m proud to say that my father was present and awesome! He supported me in every way. It’s weird because I hear people say they don’t know their dad or their father wasn’t present. Well, mine was and he loved me–he loved us.
When my dad got sick and started experiencing difficulties in July, I stepped up. My siblings have kids but I don’t so I was able to do more. It’s crazy because I lotioned his dry skin and cleaned his dirty body, and I found it an honor to care for my dad. I loved him so much. It was an honor to take care of him and be there for him, and I was happy to do so.
I miss my daddy. It’s been two weeks and so many things have happened that I would’ve told him about but he’s not here for me to tell. It hurts to know he’s not here to call. But I still love my dad. He was awesome and I will never let his light die because he lives in me.
It’s also weird because I’m happy he doesn’t have to experience the snow or ice. He doesn’t have to tread lightly while walking to the car and he doesn’t have to worry about slipping on ice. I’m grateful for that.
If you’ve lost someone I feel your pain and I pray you to have peace as I have somehow found peace. And if you see me around, please give me a hug…I need the love ❤️